Oh, and I don't think that I have mentioned the weather much up here thus far in my ramblings, but the word "monsoon" now has completely new meaning. So we are in Queensland, the northern state of the east coast, and we are well into their wet season. Today is the 3rd straight day of nonstop torrential downpours, which I might add are quite the joy to be outside working in. Not wearing a shirt does help however. But yea, when I leave this island, things I won't miss:

1. Lots 'o rain
2. 300-400% humidity
3. 300-400 mosquito bites, the lack of a shirt doesn't help
4. The 4 very distinct leaks in my bungalow, and having to position my luggage accordingly
5. EVERYTHING ALWAYS being damp
6. Lots and lots of mildew
7. Missing out on your surroundings because you can't look up for fear of stepping on a death adder
8. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast and lunch, everyday

But then again, I still am not missing my Dallas cubicle, so 1-8 are easily bearable...

Well first, I need to start out by explaining the video below before its watched, and how we are well known around Magnetic Island, and smalltime local celebrities, if you will. So today is the 2 week anniversary of not wearing a shirt, and it has been a glorious 14 days of innumerable bug bites, sunburns, rashes, and most of all, being a main topic of conversation around the island. So we became friends as I mentioned in a previous blog with Chris Franklin, the Australian stand up comedian, and we were invited to a comedy show with some popular Aussie comedians that was being held here on the island, so of course we were honored and made quite the appearance. With our prestanding no-shirt contest coming upon the zenith of its existence at 2 weeks, there was no way we could end our streak so close, so we decided to chance it and head to the show in our formal island attire, jeans, shoes, and a necklace to hopefully offset our bare chests. Well we do manage to get in despite this being one of the nicer clubs on the island, and we said to ourselves once inside, "what luck, front row seats!"
This is where things went horribly wrong, unbeknownst to us at the time. None of us had ever been to a comedy show, otherwise we would have known better, but anyway we sit, and the show starts. To paint this painful picture for you there are two Americans, Texans at that, sitting in the center of the front row, feet from the comedians, with no shirts on in a formal hall, where I might add people are wearing shirts, most are actually in semi nice attire...
To make a long story short, we were the majority of all 3 comedians' acts, and I don't think I have ever enjoyed being publicly mocked more than I did this night, mainly because they bashed us nonstop and with such indescribable vulgarity, but with that really cool accent; somehow it was almost like a compliment...hmmm. The guy at the bottom of the blog in the video is Chris, and he was really tasteful about his Texan jokes, as you can watch below. The main guy however, called us terrorists, made a comment about how Colin and I were responsible for 9/11, told us to deliver the F-word to the much loved George Bush next time we see him, who by the way is viewed a little less than ideal over here as I've found out, and told us we could leave the country as soon as possible. Just throw in about 14 minutes of explatives and that was the act.

It was all pretty funny though, and I talked to the comedians after the show and we all had a good laugh and he confessed he secretly likes Texans, but we are just such an easy target, especially when we don't wear shirts...so I was ok with this.

I then got attacked by the grand-cougs; two 60ish year old women, who said, "if I had a body like that I wouldn't wear a shirt either", a strange little woman came and rubbed my back while I was turned the other way, and then the woman in the pic above tried to bite my nipple for the picture, and it was at this time that I decided it was time to run for my life, and barely made it out alive. Why me?

Anywho, here is the video, and I am also getting a plan together for the rest of my trip here in Australia, it is looking like I will be sailing around the Whitsunday Islands on a 3 day yacht tour the latter part of next month, then heading to Melbourne for 2 weeks to see the city and stay with some friends I made here at the hostel last week, and finally going over to Perth to finish my last 2 months. This is the plan for now anyway, and I should know more definites in a week or so once I get all this booked, but it looks like my time here on the island will be drawing to a close in another 2 or 3 weeks..on to see more of the land downunder.

The past few days have been pretty uneventful...which equates to snorkeling, laying on phenominal beaches, meeting heaps of great new people, good music by the pool, red wine and Thai green curry chicken, cigars, chasing birds with my laser pointer at night, clearing the paths of kangaroos, nightly walks on the beach, rock climbing, and of course tonight being day 9 of no shirt february, basically just another day in paradise..isn't that a Kenny Chesney song? I hate country music but somehow I'm ok with that today.

Yesterday was another amazing day! The lady that we work with, Jo, invited us over for a barbie, and so we went over there for lunch and met her husband who is a stand up comedian, and it turns out he is known for his phenominal mullet that he has had for 30 years now, and is actually called the King of the Mullet. He did a parody song which was a number one hit over here a few years ago, so we were eating with a celebrity, and he was a hilarious guy. did I mention it was an awesome mullet? I think the quote of the day from him was, "It's not a haircut mates, it's a lifestyle." They are amazing and hospitable people, and after an amazing bbq lunch, and a good break from my twice-a-day PB&J sandwiches, we loaded up in their car and they showed us around the island and there are a number of things that I had no idea were here. We went to a coast area with a ton of huge boulders, and we grabbed some crackers and they told us to go over there and get ready to feed. Well, within 30 seconds we were engulfed by roughly 70 rock wallabees, which are basically miniature kangaroos about a foot tall, and they would come up and gently take the food out of your hand and some would even let you pet them. There were also several that had babies in their pouches, and you could see their little heads peek out every once in a while and take a look around, it was amazing! And one little philly above even let me hold hands with her for a bit, I think we really shared a moment. After that we came back to the hostel for dinner and met another local guy who kinda reminds you of Mick Dundee a little, and after a good long getting to know us period, roughly 10 minutes, in stride with the typical Australian spirit he invited us over for a beer and strum on his guitar, and though we were too tired last night he told us we can go over anytime, even if he's not there, because he hasn't locked his door in 8 years. I can't think of a better place on earth that resounds with my personality.

First I will tell a quick story fitting for my expectations for this trip, then you can read on about some less exciting crap about everyday life here..its been raining for 2 days and I've not much to do, so feel free to read the highlights then move on :)
So yesterday we were hiking to one of the beaches on the island and we did make it there and had the entire beach to ourselves, and it was amazing. (Mother, I'm sure you're going to be reading this at some point so you can go ahead and skip down to the next paragraph). As we were hiking back we were pretty worn out because we decided to continue hiking up some huge boulders on the coast, and were just kinda taking our time and we stumbled upon the first of two lovely creatures pictured above, the much talked about snake, the Australian Death Adder... Did I mention DEATH is included in its name? Now at this point we passed it once already and we are unaware that it is this snake that we were told about by the park guide the day before. When we came back upon it 2 hours later it had only moved about a foot, so...what else is there to do with it? I picked it up with a stick. And kinda pretended to throw it at Colin, but only a little. It moved really slow and never struck at us, and so I put my camera in the close-up setting and took the pic above from about 4 inches away. Climbing down further we stumbled upon another one on the trail, and getting back we talked to the park guide, and showed her the video of us playing with it on a stick and she started screaming and freaking out, and saying many explatives, and it was then that I was informed I had just picked up the 9th deadliest snake on the planet, and also kinda poked it with a stick a little. oops? (sorry mom, won't happen again). Then this morning when two girls came up to us and asked if we were the guys who picked up the snake and told us that the story was spreading all over the island, I realized that I don't think I fully understand the scope of what we did yesterday, because they also said many F words when we showed them the video. anywho, on our hike today we were quite a bit more cautious to say the least, and ended up seeing no snakes, but more importantly, we saw a baby Koala in a tree! Oh, and we also went back in the bat cave and poked the bat clusters with a stick this time to get them really crazy so we could take a fun pic of the girls getting attacked by the bats, so that was a nice addition to the day.

As far as the everyday, I am really starting to settle in here on the island, and loving every minute of my days. I've gotten to know the staff pretty well, and they are all lovable friendly people, so it is awesome to be around them and work with them. Today is the second consecutive day of monsoon rain, it basically rained for about 12 hours yesterday, then cleared up enough for us to start a hike then began again as we were halfway up, but no worries because I have been wearing proper attire around the place. When we got here Colin and I began a series of "lets see how long we can go without..." games, the first was going without a shirt, and the bet was quickly upped to no underwear as well as no shaving, so I am finishing up day 4 of wearing nothing but sandals and board shorts, it's quite nice after a while. But tonight I decided to get dressed up and put on shoes with my shorts, so I am looking pretty snazzy if I do say so myself. I dont think I have mentioned many everday details, so there were are few and here are some more. I am in the northern state of Queensland, and it is smack dab in the middle of their wet season, and besides the obvious rain, something else that really punched me in the face when I got off the ferry was the humidity. To say that it's humid here is like saying...it's chilly at the South Pole. I have quickly become accustomed to my entire body being sticky 24/7, and you begin sweating as soon as you get out of a cold shower. Nothing ever dries, and my board shorts have mildewed from all the rain and humidity. My books are starting to curl up from the moisture in the air, and with all this, somehow it is perfect here. Its probably because I dont wear shirts anymore. But it is so laid back and care free, and the days are filled with exploring and the nights with good food and great fun, so there is not much more I could ask for, except maybe for maybe someone to shoort the birds that sound like monkeys that are outside my bungalow everynight..but I'm still working on that.

First off, I didn't realize that a frog was capable of smiling until last night when I ran across this guy, but who wouldn't smile if you lived here? The weather was amazing today, and I started work for the hostel this morning. did a quick 3 hours of cleaning and yardwork and have a free place to stay and a warm cooked meal, so I am pretty stoked about that! after lunch colin and I set out on our big adventure, and decided to hike up a mountain here. it was an hour hike to the top, but once we got up there probably the most breathtaking view I've ever seen, and I cannot believe this place is my home for the next couple weeks!!! without thinking I also set out on this hike wearing flip flops, which proved to be dreadful when I was hopping across treacherous boulders to get out to the far one for the pic above, but alas I survived and leared a great lesson about the physics of hiking. Oh, and we found a fairly large boulder and of course rolled it down the mountain, and it was in this moment I realized how easily entertained we are..nonetheless it was an incredible day of seeing the island! And we also stumbled upon an old building that also happened to be a bat cave, and once inside we found the perfect photo op with hundreds of bats flying around, so of course we stayed until I couldn't take them hitting me in the face anymore. I also met a couple ladies this morning I was working with, and one was from Perth where I plan on heading soon, and she said she has two different people there that would be happy to let me stay and show me around the western coast, it is unbelievable how the Lord is providing for me on this trip! anywho, time to go eat some dinner, anytime I get the chance to have a real meal vs a PB&J or some bread and Nutella, my new found amazing chocolate spread, I spring at the opportunity!

Oh my what a time it has been since my last post! I got up at 4 am yesterday morning to catch a flight up to Townsville, which is just south of Cairns, the northern east coast region. I then got a ferry and went over to my new residence of Magnetic Island, and I got here just in time. Turns out I arrived in the wake of a mild typhoon, and just before dark I was on the beach looking at the huge waves toss around the boats anchored, and I had to stand at an angle in the wind to not get blown back. Well this morning everyone was looking out at the beach when I arrived, and there were 4 boats that got washed ashore from the storm, one was smashed into pieces, so praise Jesus I survived the night!

But, thats all over and today was INCREDIBLE! The sun was out and we took a hike halfway up a mountain til we decided it was too thick to walk any further and too many spiders, so we left, and there ensued the beginning of a great day. I sighted my first kangaroo, and like anyone would, Colin and I hopped the fence and chased it, turns out they are pretty fast. We named it Patty and she came back to taunt us an hour later, so of course we ran after her again, still to no avail. Then we went to the nature park right next to our bungaloes here at the hostel, and after this I can head home a happy man now, yes I held a Koala! and a croc, and some various snakes and what not. I didn't believe it was possible to love something as much as I did at first sight, but when that little fuzzy ball of clouds and fur (koala) looked up after it awoke, I knew why the Lord had brought me to this far away place. Ok a little overkill, but if you have seen one you understand. Oh and I also licked an ant that tasted like a lemon, yep, the guide said to pick up an ant and lick its butt because it was tart like candy, so I did. And it was. Clark, it was goooo ooood.

I started speaking with the staff last night here, and it looks like I am going to be staying on the island for a bit. You can work around the hostel doing yard work or cleaning for 3 hours a day, and you get a free room, free dinner and a beer, so I am probably going to stay for a week or two and live for free on a tropical island in Australia...hmmm...it's moments like this that I really yearn for my dallas cubicle and headset again....

Well it has been an exciting few days since my last entry here, done some really amazing things! Two nights ago I shaved my face for the first time in a year and went and saw a shakespeare play at the Opera House which was an awesome experience, then yesterday we got on the train and decided to do some exploring around the outskirts of Sydney. Colin and Andre'a had some contacts so we met up with them and it turned into quite the interesting day. Apparently when you have no idea where you are and no clue where you need to be going, commuting on public transport proves a smidge difficult. We got off on the wrong stop and trains only run every hour here we walked a good ways to our next stop, forgot our bags at a house and went through quite a bit to get them back. This is where I ran across my first bag of chicken flavored potato chips, and an Outback steakhouse in the middle of Sydney...I was kinda disappointed I'll be honest. Then, as only fitting for Jeff Stafford, I ended up partaking in a philippino bbq....we met the nicest family ever and went to their house and had a huge meal of bbq'd lamb, pork steak and chicken, along with other things that I had no clue what they were. but apparently they are popular in the philippines, so I went with it. Was very enjoyable talking to them about world issues and learning different views, and they were Christians so it was very encouraging to hear of their faith in a place so far from home. Then we met up with another girl they knew and she drove us around all night and showed us the sights as we had language lessons, and I think its safe to say we have successfully converted at least one Aussie to the use of "ya'll", although in exchange we agreed to start using "you's"... a hard bargain but well worth it. Went bowling with her and a friend, and Colin and I stunned them with our amazing bowling skills, such as the classic "behind the back" bowl and the renowned Granny Bowl...all in all a good night.

did I mention it costs $14 to bowl here? yea I need to get out of Sydney quick, it is so expensive and I am quickly growing tired of the big city life. I am planning to move in the morning, most likely I will catch a bus and go north along the coast. The thing I love about this trip is that I have absolutely no clue what I am doing or where I am going, and somehow its ok. I can just pick up whenever I want and I have to freedom to go anywhere I please, so...I am going to! I am just going to get on the bus and whenever I see a place that looks good, I'll stay? simple I guess, we'll see how this works out in a few days... I am also considering catching a plane over to Perth on the west coast, but its quite a committment because thats the equivalent of flying from florida to california, so it better be good! I may try to head to the reef first before I fly out and scuba a bit, but I think money will be the ultimate factor their, so time will tell. Did I mention that I ate kangaroo in my last post? I did, and wow was it "gamey". bad. but it was also from a side street Kabob place, so probably not the highest quality meat...but mark that one off the list. Oh, and definitely found a Kangaroo Scrotum bottle opener in a gift shop which turns out to be fairly popular over here...only I would stumble across such a wonder...

Sydney

Well, after a delayed flight in Auckland and my 30 hours of traveling, I have made it to sydney! I got in yesterday after lunch and after a long anticipated shower and teeth brushing, I hit the streets of Sydney and took in the place, which reminds me quite a bit of NYC, so a great time walking around and getting some intial things taken care of. After walking around a bit I decided to head down to the harbour and got a picture on the steps of the Opera House and saw the harbour bridge, and had a nice cold australian Toohey (too-e) beer at the outside bar next to the opera. It is now 2pm on my second day here and it is an absolutely incredible and unbelievable feeling being here, but for the most part it has not really hit me that I am on the other side of the world, but it has been a lot to take in within such a short time, I imagine it will take a bit for reality to hit me. After I got back yesterday I met one of my roomates from the hostel, a really nice guy from montana, we decided to go eat and hit a couple pubs around our hostel, where I ran into several interesting people. 2 girls from Norway, a guy from sweden, and a girl from france, and I found out that everyone hates americans and they don't really know why! I use hate very loosely, it was all in good fun, but it did take some clearing up about such topics as; jessica simpson, line dancing, of course our president, if I used a donkey to plow fields while farming, and why I said ya'll. This was all in my first 10 hours on the continent so I would imagine its going to be heaps of fun, and I'll be giving it a fair go, mates...whoever made up their slang here is brilliant...and probably did so after a few beers. Oh...and let us not forget the huge naked woman next to the harour made out of peaches...that makes sense to have right?